The saga continues life and loss

Hey there,

So to continue on the story of my roller coaster happily ever after....Chad and I were married and wanted to have kids pretty soon, which most of the world would now be asking....why? Lol well in our culture having a short engagement, honeymoon baby and ten kids to follow all while keeping house, cooking , growing your own garden, plan and execute a year of food storage, serve in callings and at the ward level, love everyone, continue education and manage all relationships etc is normal, so in that perspective I was actually "late" haha but I always have marched to my own drum.

But truthfully since i can remember i have wanted to be a mom. I craved it, breathed it and followed it like a cop in pursuit. But I didn't achieve it in my first marriage. That's right I said first. Chad and I were married after I was divorced in 2009. Maybe ill post about that closed book some other time but I digress, chad and I wanted kids and decided to go for it. Now I had not been able to achieve a pregnancy ever, so I had some big doubts it would ever happen. But I started this new thing called natural family planning and charting and doing things like checking my cervical mucus and charting temps that resembled a heartbeat monitor and peeing on opk sticks. Luckily all these things together gave me what I wanted, I was pregnant and our our first try using NFP. I couldn't believe it.

That moment those two pink lines showed up I felt like I had just been told I was the richest person ever. But it was better than money, I was going to be a mom. My cheeks hurt the rest of the day, I couldn't stop smiling. 

But soon after I started spotting and it continued till I had my son at 17 weeks. My water broke to early and infection set in and I went through the hardest experience of my life. pPROM. There is the me before pregnancy and the new me. I now know that counting down to 12 weeks means nothing. I now know the price of life and how short it is. I will never look at two pink lines the same way again. And I will always have a piece of my heart in heaven.

Now this is pretty personal heavy stuff, but I figure if I share it and someone learns how to help someone through a loss it's a good thing. 

Loss of any kind is so hard, I'm so grateful for my testimony and believe I will see Easton again. But it still hurts to miss them, and hurts when others act like I shouldn't or should "get over it". 

So some tips for loss are,

ACKNOWLEDGE it, so big even now. I feel better when I'm validated don't you.

SUPPORT, doesn't mean you'll always know what to say or it won't be awkward but sticking around anyway.

LOVE, love em up, even if they need it from a distance.

BABY, I loved receiving things in honor of my son.

TIME, it takes time to heal, and don't put an expedition date on it.

These are simple things but really help so much.

Losing Easton is my strongest and weakest life experience, and yet I learned I can keep going I can have faith to try again and I can.